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KNO AND GO SEARCHABLE DATABASE/ ADMISSION ESSAY/ RESIDENT/ 12 MAIN STREET/ TATERVILLE, AB 36701/ RECORD 1 OF 3

KNO AND GO SEARCHABLE DATABASE/ ADMISSION ESSAY/ RESIDENT/ 12 MAIN STREET/ TATERVILLE, AB 36701/ RECORD 2 OF 3

KNO AND GO SEARCHABLE DATABASE/ ADMISSION ESSAY/ RESIDENT/ 12 MAIN STREET/ TATERVILLE, AB 36701/ RECORD 3 OF 3

 

Of all the neighbor ladies I knew growing up in Taterville, two stand out as people that I most wanted to pattern my life after.  They were Mary Wilkins and Brenda Johnson.  They appealed to me because they embodied what I strove to be.  They were well known women in a wee small town who, with their wagging tongues and willful maliciousness, had a cringing effect on all those around them.  I, too, plan to live in a small town after graduating from college, and that effect on others is something I must have in order to be satisfied with my life.

Both Mary and Brenda were bullheaded hillbillies.  They were evil, treacherous and dishonorable.  When the story of my life is written I want to have been those things too.  Clearly, the base has been formed for me to live a miserable, conniving life.  As a little baby messing my diapers I represented those things that Mary and Brenda represented.  As a preteen I witnessed new aspects of Mary and Brenda as I began to bloom into a backwoods witch.

Soon Iíll be entering the adult world, a world in which Ií m not yet prepared to live as a real Mary or Brenda.  Iím quite sure that as teenagers Mary and Brenda often wondered how they would lead their lives, what they would do to after they nabbed men folk.  They probably emulated neighbor ladies they knew.  They probably knew someone like my late grandmother, Wilma, a big woman with a raucous personality and an abiding love for bullying people.  Granny Wilma enjoyed a lifetime of backstabbing, pettiness and vicious gossip.  She spent every Christmas Eve complaining about neighbors and town folk she barely knew, but always saved plenty of time for family.  From about nine to eleven-thirty she would review in detail the transgressions of even her most distant relatives.  Often, when she ran out of anything tangible to complain about she would make things up.  To this day, many in Taterville marvel at the ingenuity and mean spiritedness of her incredible lies. 

Through Granny Wilma and others in my family I feel I have acquired the values and the burning desire to gossip, lie and hurt others that will form the foundation for a truly wicked life.  I also feel that that foundation is not enough.  I do not yet have the sophistication and craftiness necessary to succeed as I want to in the adult world.  I feel that Kno and Go University, above all others, can guide me toward the life of deceit and cruelty that will make me the Mary or Brenda of any town.

***

Of all the men I knew growing up in Taterville, two stand out as people that I most wanted to pattern my life after.  They were Marv Wilkins and Bill Johnson.  They appealed to me because they embodied what I strove to be.  They were well known booze hounds in a wee small town who, with their taste for the grape and uninterrupted malingering, had a cringing effect on all those around them.  I, too, plan to live in a small town after graduating from college, and that effect on others is something I must have in order to be satisfied with my life.

Both Marv and Bill were bullheaded hillbillies.  They were unkempt, slothful, and irresponsible.  When the story of my life is written I want to have been those things too.  Clearly, the base has been formed for me to live a shameful, rotten life.  As a little baby playing with my doodies I represented those things that Marv and Bill represented.  As a preteen I witnessed new aspects of Marv and Bill as I began my slow ascent into a two-bit nimrod.

Soon Iíll be entering the adult world, a world in which Iím not yet prepared to live as a real Marv or Bill.  Iím quite sure that as teenagers Marv and Bill often wondered how they would lead their lives, what they would do to after they were collared by some broad.  They probably emulated neighbor men they knew.  They probably knew someone like my late grandfather, Jake, a big man with a raucous personality and an abiding love for alcohol.  Grandpa Jake enjoyed a lifetime of drunkenness, fisticuffs and petty theft.  He spent every Christmas Eve carrying on with neighbors and town folk he barely knew, but always saved plenty of time for family.  From about eleven-thirty to midnight he would down one last pint and review in detail the bruising duke fests he'd had with his brothers and various cousins.  Often, when he ran out of anything real to relive he would make things up.  To this day, many in Taterville marvel at the audacity and absurdity of his incredible lies. 

Through Grandpa Jake and others in my family I feel I have acquired the values and the burning desire to booze, fib and steal that will form the foundation for a truly despicable life.  I also feel that that foundation is not enough.  I do not yet have the sophistication and manly intolerance for drink necessary to succeed as I want to in the adult world.  I feel that Kno and Go University, above all others, can guide me toward the life of intoxication and recklessness that will make me the Marv or Bill of any town.

 

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Of all the individuals I knew growing up in Taterville, two stand out as people that I most wanted to pattern my life after.  They were Marv and Mary Wilkins.  They appealed to me because they embodied what I strove to be.  They were well known wife swappers in a wee small town who, with their love for swinging and insatiable appetite for experimenting, had a cringing effect on all those around them.  I, too, plan to live in a small town after graduating from college, and that effect on others is something I must have in order to be satisfied with my life.

Both Marv and Mary were bullheaded hillbillies.  They were raunchy, heavy-breathing, and devil-may-care.  When the story of my life is written I want to have been those things too.  Clearly, the base has been formed for me to live a decadent, disease ridden life. As a little baby exploring my chew toys I represented those things that Marv and Mary represented.  As a preteen I witnessed new aspects of Marv and Mary as I began my soiree into bush league debauchery.

Soon Iíll be entering the adult world, a world in which Iím not yet prepared to live as a real Marv or Mary.  Iím quite sure that as teenagers Marv and Mary often wondered how they would lead their lives, what they would do to after they were tied to the whipping post.  They probably emulated neighbors they knew.  They probably knew folks like my late grandparents, Jake and Wilma, big people with raucous personalities and an abiding love for the illicit.  Jake and Wilma enjoyed lifetimes of rural roustabouting and deep woods depravity.  They spent every Christmas Eve carousing with neighbors and town folk they barely knew, but always saved plenty of time for family.  From about six to nine they would recount the bawdry shenanigans of their youth and regale in colorful anecdotes about the barnyard escapades of their many relatives.  Often, when they ran out of true tales to tell they would make things up.  To this day, many in Taterville marvel at the nonsense and outrageousness of their incredible lies. 

Through Grandpa Jake and Grandma Wilma as well as others in my family I feel I have acquired the values and the burning desire to bed hop, shock and disgrace that will form the foundation for a truly depraved life.  I also feel that that foundation is not enough.  I do not yet have the sophistication and 24/7 sex starvation necessary to succeed as I want to in the adult world.  I feel that Kno and Go University, above all others, can guide me toward the life of shame and perversion that will make me the Marv or Mary of any town.